Learning about consequences

At some point in your life, you have to learn to look ahead to the consequences of your actions. When I was about three or four, I found this pretty little green stone on my mom’s vanity table. It wasn’t a jewel or anything, it was more like a smooth novelty stone you find in some souvenir shops. It was a jade color and I picked it up and used it like a crayon to scratch into my moms soft wooden table.

After scribbling a while, my mom routinely walked in to check on me. I don’t think I looked up and saw her reaction but I remember how composed she suddenly made herself. She always had unlimited patience with me, even when I was being a butt. Her voice was a bit different. She said “Michael look what you have done to my table. You’ve scratched it and hurt the wood. It can’t be fixed. You really need to think about what you are going to do, before you do it.”

As a three-year-old can, I looked at my handiwork and realized, she was right. I messed something up, something that wasn’t mine. I didn’t mean to. I just wasn’t thinking. Punishment wasn’t necessary here, it was a very important life lesson right there in progress. I ruined my mom’s table because I didn’t think outside of myself. I could think about the future when I do things. It was if my mom’s words actually opened up that capability in me. That capability or new awareness just needed words put to it before it could exist. Was it a sense of time and restraint she had just given me?

Many of us do bad things, often because we are selfish. Sometimes our actions are completely unintentional. Now because that moment stuck in my mind, does that mean I learned the lesson? I’d like to think so, but it’s just not true. Remembering the moment occasionally is sweet, but learning the lesson is continuous. And when you get to a certain level, you realize that it’s pretty easy not to do bad things. The next level is creating a discipline of thinking ahead to see how much good you can accomplish in the time you have, whether it be a day or month or year.

May 15, 2006 at 4:37 pm | family, nostalgia | No comment

A gift from my Aunt

I remember being about 4 years old one day with a severe bought of diarrhea. I remember sitting in the bathroom going through the process when I heard a knock at the house front door. My mom answered and my Aunt Judy walked in on that late morning. They were talking about me I could overhear. It’s funny that I sort of picked up on that, or even cared. Maybe that was my first instance of eavesdropping.

My mom pretty soon knocked on the bathroom and told me Judy had come over and asked if I was ok.

It was about time to finish up anyway and so I went out in the living room. My Aunt Judy said she was sorry I wasn’t feeling well and she brought a present over for me. She handed me a plastic Bowie knife, with a really leopard patterned sheath.

“Whoa!” I was really excited to see that. How did she know I was just planning a safari in the backyard that weekend? I’m sure I brought the knife with me on my next 5 runs to the toilet too. I kept that knife for a lot longer than Judy probably realized or intended. I think when you give a gift to a kid around that age, you tend to expect it to break within a day or so, but not this gift. That knife, that gesture really meant a lot to me. Judy made that special trip just for me. She’s always been that way and I love her a lot.

May 15, 2006 at 4:37 pm | family, nostalgia | No comment

Amateur wedding videographer

I have had several friends ask me over the course of my life to film their wedding. This could be because they knew they could get away with it cheaper, or because they simply thought they would get a better finished experience out of it. I just finished my most recent edited wedding video for my friends Jen and Jason. Jen saw my wedding video that I did for my friend Tom years back. I filmed Tom’s wedding because I wanted to, he didn’t ask me. I made a documentary because Tom’s father had recently passed away and because I knew his dad, I wanted to make it a tribute to him too. Plus, I hadn’t seen Tom much in a few years, and I wanted to make it the reason to get back into friendship with him. Tom’s video started my wedding video career.

So this most recent video came to be about 40 minutes long. Of course, the actual unedited wedding ceremony takes up 23 of those minutes, so the real work I did was the segments around rehearsal, preparation, and reception. These were not long segments, but I spent an entire year, minus one week to finish it. This is a classic case of fear of failure procrasitination. I have many reasons for procrastinating mind you, but I can pinpoint exact stages with this particular project. There were may times when I knew I should be working on the video and didn’t do it. I was even reminded significantly by my wife over the year, it wasn’t like I was allowed to forget about it. Of course it didn’t help that I was working on my book during the time when early momentum could have benefited me, but there is really no excuse here, just explanations. To make a video is a big commitment. It involves a huge time commitment from me, because I generally put more thought into a movie than most people I’ve seen. for instance, I always tear up when I’m making my movies. Always tears, no exception. The emotion comes from the music and seeing this creation materialize. Inserting my own small personalized “signature” into the movie gives me a sense of pride equal to the feeling that patriots might get during the Star Spangled Banner. Tears I tell you.

But there is also a whole lot of frustration here too. When you want things to be perfect and you just don’t have it. You kick yourself for being so shaky during the shots, or for not asking better interview questions. There was a great shot there, but you screwed it up you idiot. The elements didn’t come together so you have to skip it and create the emotion elsewhere. The emotion must be there or I can’t continue.

For me, procrastinating on this video came from lack of confidence. This came from the exact place it shouldn’t have came from. My friends believed I would do an awesome job and that’s what gave me that sensation of worry. Not living up to whatever percieved expectation. Thus, the lack of desire to start and make a bunch of mistakes which would eventually lead to a torn friendship. As illogical as it is, procrastination doesn’t need deep thought to take hold. Procrastination thrives on a hidden undercurrents to affect you negatively.

Ultimately what helped me finish this video was two things. There was an annual get-together in which I would see my friends again if I wanted to show up to it. This became the perfect deadline. Of course there were other times when my friends came back in town. These could have served as that deadline too, but the amount of time that passed for today’s event almost made it one year since I filmed this wedding. It turned my thoughts to how ridiculous I had been to wait so long to complete it. How sad was I to wait this long? How bad of a friend was I to let them down like this? The fear of rejection for this reason became conflicted with the fear of failing at the video project. Flip.
The other thing that helped me finish this was direct positive encouragement from my wife. I told her, “look, you know how I am with all my interests and distractions. If I’m going to finish this video, I need your help. I need you to sit down with me and help me do it.” This way, I couldn’t sit there and do something other than the video while she was there. She might not have even looked at the monitor, maybe only reading her book. But that was enough to gather the courage to do this thing. She became very valuable in ongoing encouragement. She was very excited about portions of the video and getting sections done. She had comments to tighten up editing and replacing shots with more appropriate ones. Even a last minute effect, my favorite one of the movie, was her idea.

The thing about all this, is that is procrastination is completely silly. It’s ridiculous to be afraid to start something, to be so underconfident when I’ve demonstrated this skill so many times before.

Today was the event where I saw Jason and Jen. They were extremely happy to get the video. I tried to button my lip, so I wouldn’t build up any unneeded suspense or expectation about the video. Jason reminded me that a year ago, for their honeymoon, he and Jennifer had gone to Ireland. He said he was supposed to have made a video of the vacation, but he hadn’t gotten the project done yet. He didn’t have the inspiration because he didn’t feel the music was carrying it through. It was the best thing I had heard all week. Not that I think two procrastinators were better than one, but it’s nice not to be alone. Thinking about it now, I wonder why Jason didn’t just edit the wedding video himself. Maybe Jen was afraid he wouldn’t get it done in a timely manner. Oops!

There is something bigger here with this wedding video business though. To make a video for your friends, is such a great thing I think, whether you are paid or not. It’s a way to spend time with them and to share with them. It’s also a way to create a memory for them, their family, and for anyone else who might see the video in the future. You can create a memory alternative to their own memory of that time, one that will show them all the other good things that happened behind the scenes that day. There might be a time when one of them is sick, or worse and a video of their life will be comforting or helpful in ways. I guess that’s why I always say yes to these projects. To be honest, I hate pretty much all aspects of video. Annoying tapes, and digitizing. Crappy video editors with limitations and obscure controls. Incompatible codecs and rendering glitches. All these problems have taken away from the fun of video for me. But my friends getting a view of themselves in a light they might not expect is rewarding to me. It’s seeing yourself from the perspective of someone else. Also to know that somebody cares enough for them to create a collage of their life-changing event, is something all friends deserve.

May 6, 2006 at 11:29 pm | family, friends | No comment

New cousin

My cousins Jennifer and Brad had another baby, giving Barrett a new sister. Peyton Elizabeth brings them two for two in the cute kid score. My sister has 2 boys, my cousin now has 2 girls. I think my sister and my cousin might be competing.

For me, just the thought of all the mess from babies totally turns me off. I’m entirely to selfish to give up my time, energy and sleep to a baby. No thank you. Good for them though.

June 2, 2005 at 12:48 am | family | No comment

phone calls from family

When you get older and move away from home, sometimes you get phone calls from family out of the blue. It’s great, but getting bad news one time makes every call you ever get in the future give you a little pang inside. Now when they call, you just hope that everyone is ok and nobody is in the hospital or worse. So today my mom called me at work. Yikes, here comes the pang.

“Mom, everything OK?”

“Michael” (deep breath) “I need a helicopter noise.”

…… Silence while brain searches for related background data. Nothing found. First thing comes to mind. “Should I give it to her in a .WAV file or .MP3?” Neither apparently. My Mom, who is the Grandmother of my sister’s two boys, needed to know how to make a helicopter sound effect with her mouth. Evidently she was in the middle of an intense toy helicopter rescue mission with Richie and Matthew and, in case you didn’t know, without a boss sound effect, the huey just won’t fly.

Kid’s these days are just too advanced for the sound effects we old folks were brought up with. Thanks Mom for the best phone call I will get all month. It just so happens I have two helicopter noises I make regularly. Only a loving Mom would be so appreciative of her son’s talents.

May 23, 2005 at 12:54 am | family, humor | No comment

one year anniversary

Today is our 1 year anniversary today. One year ago Juri and were married officially in the Kansas City courthouse. What a year I’ve had. Really really amazing. To celebrate, the night before Juri and I went to Jun’s Japanese restaurant and then relaxed watching a couple movies. On our actual anniversary we went to a place called Powell Garden’s. It’s this beautiful landscape about 30 minutes outside Kansas City. You walk around looking at the garden, you can have lunch at their cafe, which is appropriately priced I might add. Juri loved it. We didn’t want the day to end.