Amateur wedding videographer
I have had several friends ask me over the course of my life to film their wedding. This could be because they knew they could get away with it cheaper, or because they simply thought they would get a better finished experience out of it. I just finished my most recent edited wedding video for my friends Jen and Jason. Jen saw my wedding video that I did for my friend Tom years back. I filmed Tom’s wedding because I wanted to, he didn’t ask me. I made a documentary because Tom’s father had recently passed away and because I knew his dad, I wanted to make it a tribute to him too. Plus, I hadn’t seen Tom much in a few years, and I wanted to make it the reason to get back into friendship with him. Tom’s video started my wedding video career.
So this most recent video came to be about 40 minutes long. Of course, the actual unedited wedding ceremony takes up 23 of those minutes, so the real work I did was the segments around rehearsal, preparation, and reception. These were not long segments, but I spent an entire year, minus one week to finish it. This is a classic case of fear of failure procrasitination. I have many reasons for procrastinating mind you, but I can pinpoint exact stages with this particular project. There were may times when I knew I should be working on the video and didn’t do it. I was even reminded significantly by my wife over the year, it wasn’t like I was allowed to forget about it. Of course it didn’t help that I was working on my book during the time when early momentum could have benefited me, but there is really no excuse here, just explanations. To make a video is a big commitment. It involves a huge time commitment from me, because I generally put more thought into a movie than most people I’ve seen. for instance, I always tear up when I’m making my movies. Always tears, no exception. The emotion comes from the music and seeing this creation materialize. Inserting my own small personalized “signature” into the movie gives me a sense of pride equal to the feeling that patriots might get during the Star Spangled Banner. Tears I tell you.
But there is also a whole lot of frustration here too. When you want things to be perfect and you just don’t have it. You kick yourself for being so shaky during the shots, or for not asking better interview questions. There was a great shot there, but you screwed it up you idiot. The elements didn’t come together so you have to skip it and create the emotion elsewhere. The emotion must be there or I can’t continue.
For me, procrastinating on this video came from lack of confidence. This came from the exact place it shouldn’t have came from. My friends believed I would do an awesome job and that’s what gave me that sensation of worry. Not living up to whatever percieved expectation. Thus, the lack of desire to start and make a bunch of mistakes which would eventually lead to a torn friendship. As illogical as it is, procrastination doesn’t need deep thought to take hold. Procrastination thrives on a hidden undercurrents to affect you negatively.
Ultimately what helped me finish this video was two things. There was an annual get-together in which I would see my friends again if I wanted to show up to it. This became the perfect deadline. Of course there were other times when my friends came back in town. These could have served as that deadline too, but the amount of time that passed for today’s event almost made it one year since I filmed this wedding. It turned my thoughts to how ridiculous I had been to wait so long to complete it. How sad was I to wait this long? How bad of a friend was I to let them down like this? The fear of rejection for this reason became conflicted with the fear of failing at the video project. Flip.
The other thing that helped me finish this was direct positive encouragement from my wife. I told her, “look, you know how I am with all my interests and distractions. If I’m going to finish this video, I need your help. I need you to sit down with me and help me do it.” This way, I couldn’t sit there and do something other than the video while she was there. She might not have even looked at the monitor, maybe only reading her book. But that was enough to gather the courage to do this thing. She became very valuable in ongoing encouragement. She was very excited about portions of the video and getting sections done. She had comments to tighten up editing and replacing shots with more appropriate ones. Even a last minute effect, my favorite one of the movie, was her idea.
The thing about all this, is that is procrastination is completely silly. It’s ridiculous to be afraid to start something, to be so underconfident when I’ve demonstrated this skill so many times before.
Today was the event where I saw Jason and Jen. They were extremely happy to get the video. I tried to button my lip, so I wouldn’t build up any unneeded suspense or expectation about the video. Jason reminded me that a year ago, for their honeymoon, he and Jennifer had gone to Ireland. He said he was supposed to have made a video of the vacation, but he hadn’t gotten the project done yet. He didn’t have the inspiration because he didn’t feel the music was carrying it through. It was the best thing I had heard all week. Not that I think two procrastinators were better than one, but it’s nice not to be alone. Thinking about it now, I wonder why Jason didn’t just edit the wedding video himself. Maybe Jen was afraid he wouldn’t get it done in a timely manner. Oops!
There is something bigger here with this wedding video business though. To make a video for your friends, is such a great thing I think, whether you are paid or not. It’s a way to spend time with them and to share with them. It’s also a way to create a memory for them, their family, and for anyone else who might see the video in the future. You can create a memory alternative to their own memory of that time, one that will show them all the other good things that happened behind the scenes that day. There might be a time when one of them is sick, or worse and a video of their life will be comforting or helpful in ways. I guess that’s why I always say yes to these projects. To be honest, I hate pretty much all aspects of video. Annoying tapes, and digitizing. Crappy video editors with limitations and obscure controls. Incompatible codecs and rendering glitches. All these problems have taken away from the fun of video for me. But my friends getting a view of themselves in a light they might not expect is rewarding to me. It’s seeing yourself from the perspective of someone else. Also to know that somebody cares enough for them to create a collage of their life-changing event, is something all friends deserve.
